The new is in...

A few days ago, I felt all of my hope was gone.
I felt as if I had been pushing on in this race with a broken leg and a broken heart and only thing that kept me trying, kept me from giving up all hope was the people I hold so close to me, as if I was afraid to let them down, or let them see me fail.

I sat and waited.... for May 23rd to come... and then another year would have passed that I've wasted wondering how things would be different, had we not made the decisions we did.
I'd think about the fights we'd have, the things we'd say, the glances, the nights, the mornings, the summers, the winters, the tears.....

I'd think about everything I ever lied about... every time I ever walked away from you, praying things would end

I'd think about all the things that had broken my heart.. from my cousin Jocelyn, to my best friend, to my mom, to my dad, to myself...

and how you never understood any of it...

I spent so much time...so much effort trying to figure out everything.... trying to make everything right again.... secretly knowing, yet never willing to admit that it would never ever be fixed.

But it was the other night, that everything changed....

I had this weird feeling in my chest..
It was as if something was ripping my body open, one seam at a time, from the inside. The obnoxious pressure, ready to burst right through, only meant that something was changing in me. It's weird, because I felt myself growing up.
I felt myself taking control again and not letting the past dictate my actions
I felt myself letting go of all my preconceived notions about the world.
I felt myself shedding the weights of past grievances and discrepancies.
I felt myself becoming a new person.
and it hurt..

But this, this hurt... this was pain that you learn from. It's the pain that motivates you to move forward, to forget the past and strive for more, for something better.

It's the pain that makes you know you're changing.
Because God knows I'm changing for the better.


So with that dear world, I'm starting over.
No more troubles that cause tears that dry the next day.
No more screams and fights and lyrics wasted on people who don't matter anymore.

This is me shedding my old skin.
I'm fresh, I'm clean, and I'm ready to sing.
Ready to sing about the things, the people, and the experiences that matter most.
The things that make me happy to be alive.

This is the world as I know it.

Because, goddamn, the new is in, and I'm feeling better already.


Happy Birthday to me.

<3lace