Goodbye.

This is going to be the last time I write in this.
I've found that I've wasted too much of my time expressing myself through this blog
than I have to the people who mean the most to me.

It was a mistake.




Actions speak louder than words.

Later blogspot.
Hello life.

Hahahaha

it won't be to who you think it's to.


Word to the wise....

I woke up on the floor

At 3 am, in his arms.
leaning over me, he needed to make sure I was okay.
Blanketed by darkness and confusion, three fourths still asleep, he pulled me in, fear wreaking in his voice.
I woke up again, at 6 in the morning, alone in my bed, missing the thing I need the most.

Weird morning.
Weird day.
Weird night.

Haha, I fell for you.... literally.


(sorry, not funny <3)

I'm such a sucker for a sweet talker

yeah.

He showed me the new song they wrote.
"Do you want to know what the lyrics are?"

Brought me to tears.

It made me realize that I have to leave soon.
He wants me to go, to do what's best for me.
But that terrifies me more than he'll ever know.

City lights

are amazing at night, they make me miss home.
Ha, I'm sitting in my sister's apartment with Court and as she chats on the phone with Freddy, I'm just chillin, writing this blog haha.

So we went through a hell of a day, trying to get to my sister's apartment on time, get her to work on time, get to meet up with my friend matt on time.

However, Court took the train in later, met up with Kevin and met up with Matt and I. Dinner in a little Japanese place was excellent and saying goodbye to Kev and Matt was miserable. Ha, just thinking about it, I've known Matt for almost three years now, and this was the first time I saw him since The Early November Concert in April almost 2 years ago. Wow, haha. He's a great kid, tried to convince me to go to NYU with him and be an English major with him hah. Naw, I've got certain places to be.

Speaking of the C word... I've been thinking of places to apply :[
I think I'll apply to Yale, Stanford, Harvard, Cornell, TCNJ...

who the fuck knows....

.........

so take this now, as an apology of my best
it's taken a lot for me, to find the strength to say this.
Because it's been my wish
to wake up every morning in the bed where we first kissed
and not be held down, by the dreams that you'd forgive me and we could fall back asleep to it.
but now I've found
a special heart and hand to wake me up
because my dreaming's done
and his smile shines brighter than yours ever was.

Who knows

if anyone reads these. Hah, some part of me, actually a huge part of me hopes someone does.
Today, I woke up Dan's arms and I've never felt more amazing. Despite my medical situations right now that keep me in immense pain at the moment, I just looked at this amazing person, kissed his face and thought how lucky I am to have him wrapped around me. What's worse, is that every time I talk to him, or think about him, I get those obnoxious butterflies in my stomach.

In other news, I have no idea what's going on in my life besides him. Actually, now that I realize it, thank God for him, because without him, and a few other select friends (C,J,D), I'd probably be in a mental breakdown right now. They're pretty much the only thing I'm sure about...

And I know that I'm going to leave soon....
As current endeavors close, the "C" word unfortunately becomes the primary picture.
And as much as I told myself I'd tough it out, I fear that my page won't turn that way....
I don't want to leave him behind, but I'm terrified that I'll have to.


Please God, no.